Breathe... Just Breathe

As the date of departure approaches, I keep thinking and contemplating the adventure that lies in front of me. I am excited. There is no doubt about that. I have been planning, thinking, and dreaming about this for years and now all of that comes to fruition. It is also one of the scariest things I have ever done. Sometimes when I think about what is to come my stomach does flips, turns, and twirls as I try to take in all of the changes and things that are to come. I am growing doubtful about my ability to cope but I think a lot of that may be nerves. I know that confidence and a positive attitude are things that I need to be intentional about as I go into this, but it is easier to know that I need to embody these things than to actually do it

.

My biggest fears are in the language and my ability to properly function in a society of native Spanish speakers. I am not afraid about my ability to understand the world around me, but that the people there will doubt my intelligence because of my gap in expressing complex ideas and emotions in Spanish. I don’t know if that really makes sense but it is the thing that is running through my mind.

I am not really worried about being away from my family because I would not normally see them during the time that I will be gone anyway. But in a way that kind of scares me, I am worried about being away from Maryville College, the community here, and the family that I have built in my friends, the student organizations that I am involved in, and the volunteer work that I am engaged in in Maryville. I am, like most other people an enigma. I am an extrovert; I love talking with people and making connections, but I am also incredibly shy and self-conscious and afraid to let people in. I have always had a hard time making relationships that go deeper than the surface smiles, waves, and common conversation. I am an emotional being and I am afraid that I will not have anyone there to express my emotions too. I know that I will be able to make friends, I will not be lonely, but these are the types of things that are haunting.

So… those are my fears and the doubts that I am having about my ability to adjust to the new culture, these emotional aspects will be combined with changes in diet, living conditions, time practices, and a new university system.

I have thought about all of this a lot and I think my greatest strategy for coping with all of this will be to focus on the end goal and to reflect on the success that I have had in adjusting to the cultural differences from Arizona to Tennessee.  A lot of the emotional aspects were things that I had to adjust to here and now I will have to conquer them again, but I may find peace in my previous success. I also know that I have an all-star support team here who will be sending me love and support.

I know that I will need to breathe, take in each moment and know that there is a plan in place and that I am just carrying it out.